Rocket Girl Talks About Grief Recovery
Grief: One year after Larry had passed and one month after one of my boyfriends never woke up and we were supposed to have a date that day I found myself in grief counseling, that was almost 3 years ago. I wanted to take grief counseling to help myself but also as a yoga instructor to be self-responsible so I could help others. I find myself moving into the 5th stage which is acceptance. Acceptance is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. It's harder than any of the other stages. Larry was a person in my life that actually got me, he pushed me in positive ways to work hard and practice yoga, we had a spiritual bond that exceed any type of physical relationship and that can be hard for other people to understand. Since he's gone I've bounced around other male relationships and I'll admit I'm a tough cookie to crack, I'm pretty deep and if I do let you in and you hurt me then I close myself off to the world because it's hard to match the love you have for your teacher. When I was down Larry would pick me up, there were no conditions of his love and no crazy exceptions relationships tend to bring out in people. Accepting that, that person isn't there on the other end of the phone to pick me up, accepting that they are not there to protect me and stand up for me is one of the hardest things that I have ever done. Accepting that today I begin at the beginning again. Accepting that loss is a part of life and we have it to become stronger better people from it. So I really don't care anymore what other people think of me, Bob Marley talked a lot about not judging other people until you've walked in their shoes. As I walk through the door of acceptance the story will begin to change and shift for me, the perspective will reflect more of my story and how it has shaped me to be the person I am and the person I am becoming. I want to thank the yoga community that has been there for me and continues to be there for me. The Yoga ah yogis are amazing, all the instructors that have taught selflessly at the studio and my new mentors that are rising like the phoenix from the ash and my family that keeps me going and has stuck it out with me in the really bad times and of course my two beautiful sons and I want to thank all the angels that look over us. Mostly I want to thank Larry for sharing such a powerful experience with me, I guess we are always together now, so thank you!!! May I hold my head high and accept this is my path, this is my heart, this is me.